...Confidence is my curse...

Non-Existent Senses

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 00:42:15 GMT

Without you standing before me
I am blind
Without the sound of your voice
I am deaf
Without you holding my hand and holding me close
I am numb
Without you
I am Non-Existent
Without you
I cannot breathe, speak, not even think

Ohll-rightayy

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 18:48:04 GMT

I found my iPod! I'm happy!

Today was strange.
1. I disected a rat. At first I felt like I was going to be sick, but then by the end of class I was cracking the skull to get to the brain.

2. I took a Romeo and Juliet test which I didn't really know about until after disecting the rat. I think I did pretty well on it.

3. I had a History quiz, and I found it so easy.

4. I picked up a package of Coke and it broke. So I got Coke cans everywhere.

But this whole thing with Christine and Mike, it makes me sad. However I'm happy that I'm helping and being a nice person.

Needing

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 23:51:41 GMT

I'm scared right now.

I mean the thunder and lightening is enough. The fact that I didn't get to see Eric tonight kinda sucks. My iPod is still missing, which makes me sad. And when I'm sad I eat, when I eat I get fat, and it's an ugly cycle. An ugly cycle which gets gets worse as time goes on.

Resolutions:
-Watch "The Producers"
-Write a poem
-Talk to Mom or Eric

The Anger

Sun, 28 May 2006 15:21:27 GMT

Anger is just something you can't control
It just takes over and steals you soul
I hate the feeling of knowing that something's wrong
But not doing a damn thing about it, not even write a song

The Anger has won
The Anger is what I've become
I've become a bitch, and I yell at everything that crosses my path

The Anger is what makes me the person you hate
The Anger is what makes me being to rate
My own life and how I've lived
Then I say "Fuck this shit!"... because of The Anger.

Guess to not be

Sun, 28 May 2006 15:20:45 GMT

I guess I wasn't meant to be there
On stage by myself
Performing alone
Might as well give up.
It's been 7 years, what a waste of my life.
I get nothing.
I'm just that oddly familiar face in the background
Always in the background
Never front and center
Never a word said.

Guess I'm not meant to be an actress.
I'll never make it big
I'll never make it far
I'll never make it in life.

"Lions in Zebras"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:42:45 GMT

You thought I'd be amused
What a lame excuse
You were putting your violent tendencies to use
You screamed and sried in pain
when that blade cut through your skin
And I thought "What the f*** are you doin'?!"

I care for you too much, my friend
I really don't want you to cut to your end
You have too much to live for
Life may suck now, but soon there will be a time
That time is when you'll think

"I'm greatful for those good ol' friends of mine"

"Isn't it Complicated?"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:35:04 GMT

Isn't love complicated?
It is...
It's all worth while
Holding one another in eachother's arms under the stars
Being warm in a rainstorm
Losing breath by the very sight of them

Eventually love fades away
And it's heartbreaking when it does...

Good thing I'm not there...

"He's Gone"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:34:29 GMT

"Our love can only blossom more from this hardship" he said
Well, he's the one who's gone
I'm sitting here trying to work and I can't get him off my mind
I'm sitting here trying to work, with him on my mind, and tears in my eyes
I'm sitting here trying to work, with him on my mind, tears in my eyes, and down my face

Hard to believe I am a girl who never showed her weaknesses
When it's plain to see right now
Without him I feel like nothing
Without him he's all I think about
Without him I can't look at myself

Love is my drug... and not even rehab could get me unhooked

I miss you!

"For Rosa Parks"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:34:02 GMT

Why Miss Parks.
Why do you look so sad?
Being told to stand for something wrong?
Being sent to the back for what you thought was right?
Don't stop now!
Put up a fight!

This fight against segregation
Starts now!
Girl, don't stand up, sit down for your rights!

"Depression in Love"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:33:18 GMT

I love him
With all my heart
I'd die
Before I let anything happen to him
I said something stupid...
I was running my mouth...
Not thinking about what I was saying

Look where it got me...
crying...
alone...

Little does he know...
I'm sorry

"Act of Love"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:32:38 GMT

You kiss my hand
You kiss my cheek
You hug me in front of my parents
You show me you care
You hold me as if you'll never let go
You wipe away my tears and make me smile
You show me what I've been missing out on
You love me

...and you, I, and the whole world knows it

"Are You There?"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:32:13 GMT

Are you there?
I'm calling your name
In the dark
I'm running down the hall
All I hear are my own footsteps, voice, and my breathing
Are you there?
I kept on calling
I kept on running until I couldn't run anymore
Are you there?
I kept on looking for you
I couldn't find you
Are you still there?

"Satan's Grasp"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:31:23 GMT

I was walking down the street
I was all by myself, without you
I was scared
I was in a world I didn't recognize
I was snatched by Satan
And only you...
Only you could save me...
And only with a few simple words that you spoke would release me from Satan's grasp...
Will you save me from that grasp?

No.

"Eric"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:30:04 GMT

First time I saw you was on that stage
First time you saw me was on that stage the year before
Our paths never crossed until this summer

It took only a week to figure out our feelings
But that week, as long as it was, was worth it

Weeks later we are still head over heels in love
There is always a surprise, although we both know what's going to happen

Unfortunately for now it's "Bon Voyage"
"I'd hate to say good-bye sweetheart"

"How Can You?"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:23:28 GMT

You see me in class
Snapping an elastic on my wrist
Sometimes you see scratch marks around my wrists
How can you call me a masochist when they hurt themselves?
How can you call me that when I don't feel pain

"To a Confused Love Story"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:22:04 GMT

She wanted him
He was clueless
She flirted with him
He got a clue, and did nothing
She was distraught
He got the picture and brought joy into her world once again
She was pink with glee
They hung out and found out that they don't have much to talk about
So who will be the one to end this confusing love story?
Him? or Her?

"What is Love?"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:20:31 GMT

Sometimes you love
But afterwards, when it's all over you think "Was that love?"
Some questions should be asked...

Was I extremely happy?
Was I always wanting more?
Was I always thinking about him?
Was he always in my dreams and never in my night mares?
Did my heart skip a beat when I saw his name on caller ID?
Was I sad when it was over?

If I answered yes to these questions... then it was love

"Why I don't Eat in Public"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:19:43 GMT

You call me that
You yell at me
You critize me
You make me cry
You don't know when to stop
You scar me without even knowing it
You should feel guilt
You should be able to see what you did wrong

"Confused"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:17:26 GMT

I can't believe you did that
You left me alone to cry
To be in pain
You should feel guilt and shame
To not even comfort me in my time of need
Screw you, that just shows me your greed
When I hear all these lies
I just wanna step up and correct the things you said wrong
But I don't 'cause I don't wanna hurt you
Like you hurt me
I'm not all bad, as you can see
But that's love as plain as it can be

"Bars Against Rebels"

Thu, 18 May 2006 02:15:15 GMT

You make it seem like you're okay
I'm just waiting for a breakdown
Haven't seen it yet
If I were you, I'd be dead
Killed by myself with those dreams of a sweet suicide
You are a role model of mine
You are a strong person
Stronger than many adults I know
Stronger than anyone who shares our year
Stronger and never shows her fear.

"Pressured to be Perfect"

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 01:55:32 GMT

You pressure me to be perfect
That's not what I want, it's what you want
Did you ever think of that?
No.
You were never perfect
You're not perfect now
So why are you pressuring me to be someone I'm not or someone who I don't want to be?
You do it anyways when you know what it does to me
Pressuring is like pushing
and you'll keep on doing it until I'm off the edge

"Apologies"

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 01:54:31 GMT

There a lot of things we apologigze for
Running into someone in the hall...
Doing something wrong...
Breaking something...
Or, doing something you didn't mean to.

However, no matter what it was it always ends up the same...

In the end, someone is always hurt
No matter how many apologies... Nothing can change what happened

"Cold"

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 01:51:34 GMT

It's hot up here on the top floor,
Sitting in front of the window,
With the sun shining through,
Dressed in all black
Normally a person would be sweating profusely
But I'm just feel cold